Can money save love?

The surprising (but overlooked) way to future-proof your relationship and bring you closer together.

Let’s face it – you’ve been lied to your whole life.

From folk tales to Hollywood and also from the occasional family member.

Even The Beatles have failed you with their musical deception:

“All you need is love – tatatarara…”

Now, you may be thinking that we have a grim and terribly unromantic outlook here at Iban Wallet.

Quite the contrary.

Love is wonderful. It can lift you up on your darkest moments and make you find enjoyment in the simplest of things.

However, relationships require more than love to stand the test of time. Or have you never witnessed a nasty break-up, even though both parties still love each other?

We can all think of a few reasons why a relationship might fail, but it may come to surprise for some that money is the number one culprit of marriages ending.

Big purchases, spending habits, that all-too-frequent use of the credit card. The financial pressure can easily add up, especially if there is a rough month in the way.

The question is: how can you avoid this happening to you? As with many other subjects surrounding your relationship, communication is key. And that means one thing: the money talk.

We get it, this may be somewhat (a lot) uncomfortable. For quite some time we’ve been building this idea of money being a very private thing. But we’re talking about sharing a life, and that means your financial life too.

But where to start, you may wonder? Glad you asked.

First of all, get ready – and that means both of you

You are about to expose a big deal of your life to one another. And that may be a bit scary, no matter how long you’ve been together.

This means you both need to know what you are about to go through. Talk with your significant other and explain what you expect from this so both of you can be better prepared for the future, as well as to be more in line with each other’s views and expectations.

Think of how you would feel if your partner simply brought this up, armed with charts, statements, and goals?

Probably ambushed, right? And a bad emotion is step one for a bad start. So, put the topic on the table and set a date to talk about this.

Leave your emotions out of it

Easier said than done, we know.

When it comes to money management, different views can seem like an open criticism of the way you do things.

Be it for big purchases or savings goals, one question can make its way up quite often: “How can someone be so unreasonable?”

Thing is, you are both right.

Different people, different values, different goals. Look at the same thing from a different angle and you might just find reason where you never thought possible.

Keep the discussion at the level of facts, be it for spending, savings or investing.

Which brings us to…

Keep completely open communications

What does this one expense represent for your partner (and we mean really represent)?

What was your financial situation growing up?

What keeps you both up at night?

Keep in mind that money is (almost) never the ultimate issue at hand. Money is all about possibilities and choices. And these must be made with mutual respect, trying to look at things through each other’s eyes.

And while this whole thing may have seemed terribly awkward at first, you may find yourselves closer than before. After all, money says a lot about your values, dreams, and aspirations. Who wouldn’t want someone to share that with? You can now understand each other better and plan accordingly to what you both want your life to be.

In the end, it is all about cherishing your relationship together. No need to argue over a silly spreadsheet.